divorce ligation vs divorce mediation in family law

Divorce Litigation vs Divorce Mediation: Which is Right for You?

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40% to 50% of first marriages will end up in divorce. The figures are higher for subsequent marriages.

Irrespective of how you arrived at the decision to get divorced, this is a tumultuous time for most couples. It is even worse if children are involved.

Still, going through the divorce process is the only way to sever that relationship and get clarity on matters like the kid’s custody and asset division.

Divorce litigation and divorce mediation are the two ways that can get you there. However, which option is best for your situation?

Let’s look at what each entails and which one is best for you.

What Is Divorce Litigation?

A divorce goes through many steps and processes, with the steps varying from state to state and couple to couple.

Usually, each party hires its own lawyer to identify and negotiate issues about their divorce on their behalf.

These two lawyers become central to the divorce and enter negotiations regarding their client issues.

If the two cannot agree on one or two issues, the divorce is moved to a family court. Here, a court date is set, and each attorney will prepare their case alongside their client.

All documents regarding the case are presented, and the lawyers make their arguments in front of a judge. Witnesses and other external experts might be called to testify as well.

At times, the couple’s children take the stand too.
Ultimately, the sitting judge will make a judgment regarding child custody, time-sharing, alimony, child support and division of assets.

What Is Divorce Mediation?

A mediator is an independent, objective person who helps people resolve conflict amicably.

For people trying to end their marriage, the divorce itself is the conflict. Issues like kids, custody, and asset division are among the things they have to resolve.
A successful mediation helps them settle these issues out of court.

While a good mediator is an active participant in mediation talks, the spouses have a say in the decision making. It is important to note that mediators are not necessarily lawyers.

Mediator vs. Lawyer

This choice is dependent on the individual circumstances of your divorce case. Some will favor mediation, while others require divorce lawyers. Keep reading to find out which you should go for.

When to Use Mediation

This is a less confrontational approach to divorce and is best if you want to settle things quietly. Go for it in the following circumstances.

1. You Want to Protect Your Kids

Your kids stand over and above all the other circumstances surrounding the divorce. While divorce is tough on parents, it’s tougher on kids.

Any steps you take to protect your kids and maintain a semblance of united family unit-despite the divorce-are worth looking into.

Mediation allows you to negotiate as parents other than opposing teams. This is favorable for custody, co-parenting and timesharing.

When handled properly and level-headedly, a mediation ensures that the kids come first and that parents do not end up pitting the kids against each other.

2. You Want to Save Money

Litigation fees are higher that mediation fees. If the divorce drags out or has some complicated aspects to it, divorce attorney’s fees might go through the roof.

By opting for mediation, you can save a pretty penny on your divorce.

3. You Want a Peaceful Process

Divorces can get ugly. Custody and asset sharing are both emotive topics that can muddle the process even farther.

When parties engage in accusations and counter-accusations to get an edge over their partner, the process gets acrimonious pretty quickly.

By opting to have your divorce mediated, both parties agree to focus on the issues as opposed to mudslinging and getting an edge over each other.

It’s on this premise that divorce mediation is peacefully carried out.

4. You Want a Quick Process

Comparatively speaking, mediated divorces take much less time than divorce litigation.

The back and forth between attorneys make a litigated divorce drag out much longer. In mediation, all matters are brought up and are tabled for real-time discussion and resolution.

This settles issues much faster than attorneys going back and forth on each individual matter.

5. You Want Control over the Process

Mediation gives you and your husband full control to customize your agreement to your specific needs.

This control and empowerment yield a fair agreement to both of you. When no one walks away feeling cheated, the process of healing and co-parenting becomes significantly easier.

When is Divorce Litigation the Best Way Forward?

This process involves a judge and might take longer than mediation. Use it in the following circumstances.

1. You Fear For Your Safety

Your safety should be a primary concern. If the relationship is characterized by power imbalances where one party is unable to speak for themselves, then litigation is the only way out.

The same goes for when there is a restraining order in place. Or the marriage being dissolved is highly volatile and abusive.

Currently, 10 million women and men are in physically abusive relationships. In this case, litigation is best.

2. Asset Hiding

Mediation requires transparency and good faith.

If you have evidence that your spouse is hiding debts or assets, then mediation is not a good option. The same is true for when you suspect your spouse’s business dealings are not above board.

In such cases, a divorce lawyer can, through the courts, compel your spouse to make full disclosure and provide documentation to uncover the truth.

3. Your Spouse Is Incapacitated

Mediation provides a space for self-determination, where either party is encouraged to articulate their wishes and interest in the negotiations.

Your spouse might be unable to do this for themselves due to drug addiction or other factors that may lead to a diminished mental state.

In this case, opting for litigation allows a judge to make a determination on your divorce.

 

4. One Party Is Against Mediation

Unlike litigation, mediation is a voluntary process. Both of you must be willing to participate in the process for it to be successful.

If you are for mediation but your spouse is against it, litigation is the second best option.

Which Route Should You Take?

Sometimes a divorce that starts with mediation can end up in divorce litigation and vice versa. Ultimately, it takes two well-meaning parties to have an amicable dissolution of a marriage.

At Family Law Attorneys Near Me, we know that finding a good family lawyer amid your divorce can be yet another stressful task you should not have to deal with.

For this reason, we have listed over 2000+ top attorneys to help you find the best one in your locality. Click this link to get started.

 

Sources

[1] Marriage and Divorce. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/topics/divorce/
[2] Choosing an Effective Mediator. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.americanbar.org/groups/young_lawyers/publications/tyl/topics/litigation/choosing-effective-mediator/

co-parenting tips for seperated or divorced parents

Co-Parenting After Divorce: A Constantly Changing Challenge

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Co-parenting after divorce is never easy. Divorce comes with a lot of heartache for everyone, even when it is the best choice. And the constant back-and-forth of co-parenting can lead to even more stress.

The keys to a good co-parenting agreement are flexibility and understanding, but how flexible? How understanding? Does the agreement need to be revisited periodically?

Actually, yes. A co-parenting agreement isn’t set in stone. Just like the people it affects, it needs to grow and change as life circumstances do.

Let’s look at a few times you should update your co-parenting agreement, and what that looks like for your family.

Co-Parenting Keys to Success

Divorce is hard. And it keeps being hard even after time has passed. Sometimes it can be stunning just how much your feeling toward this person you once loved has changed.

And yet, when there are children involved, the adults involved have to be willing to put the hurt aside in order to create a healthy, nurturing environment, especially when it comes to your co-parenting agreement.

So how can you make sure your co-parenting talks will be healthy and productive? A few ways.

Put the Hurt Aside

Providing there was not an issue of abuse in your marriage, it’s time to put the hurt aside, at least when you are dealing directly with issues around your kids.

You’re going to have to deal with this person for the duration of your kid’s childhoods, and probably longer. So now is the time to compartmentalize and do what you can to set aside the negative feelings.

Keep the Kids Out of It

Kids are not divorce messengers, and while you may still harbor anger toward your Ex, your kids just know that they are their parent, and they love them.

Trying to weaponize kids in order to change your co-parenting agreement isn’t fair or healthy for anyone involved. Changes to your agreement need to be between you and your ex.

Keep Communication Open

As long as there is no domestic abuse or toxicity, make sure you are communicating with your ex constantly. Updates on the kids, decisions that need to be made together, etc. It’s really like still being married, but without the cohabitation.

You need to be willing to listen, and willing to communicate. This is what facilitates an easier process.

SO now let’s dig in. When should you take a look at your co-parenting agreement?

Co-Parenting When One Parent Relocates

If one of you takes a new job or relocates for any reason, it’s time to look at the agreement. After all, if one of you lives in New Hampshire and the other in Arizona, those weekend visits are going to get a little difficult.

Parents sometimes have to move. It’s inevitable. But it’s vital to then take a look at your agreement so you can hash out where the kids are going to be.

It’s likely that a court will rule that the kids not accompany the moving parent (unless they were the custodial parent, to begin with), as staying at their current school and environment is typically best.

But negotiations can help hash out holidays and vacations to ensure ample time is still spent with the relocated parent.

Danger to the Child

If you feel your child is in danger, it is VITAL to go to the courts and request a change to your agreement.

Now, it’s important to understand that a different parenting style does not constitute abuse or danger, and the court will not change your agreement just because one parent allows juice at mealtimes while the other only allows water.

But if you are worried about suspicious bruising or newfound fears in your child, or are otherwise uneasy about their physical safety, you are within your rights to go to the courts, if only to request a temporary change while an investigation is carried out.

Periodic Maintenance

Like any agreement, as your kids grow, taking a look at the agreement is a good idea.

Sitting down and asking “Is this still working? Is this still in the best interests of everyone involved?” ensures that everyone’s needs are still being met and that everyone involved is still be served well by the agreement.

Think of this like a well-child check. It’s possible that nothing needs to change, that the agreement is still working and that everyone is fine with it. But this periodic check-in keeps communication lines open and everyone on the same page. It also helps to avoid pent-up frustration and resentment if one party is feeling slighted or annoyed.

Like with any part of your life, you want to check in occasionally to make sure everything is still healthy.

Negative Situations

Sometimes, your ex does not act in good faith and may refuse to honor your agreed upon schedule. If this happens, and you’ve attempted to resolve the issue yourself, it may be time to get the court involved.

The court can help you not only enforce your current agreement but change it to ensure that the non-custodial parent (or custodial parent) is not abusing their end of the agreement.

Co-Parenting After Divorce: A Constantly Changing Challenge

Whether you are an old hand at co-parenting after divorce or new to the entire process, you need someone to help you through. A family attorney can ensure that you are treated fairly during proceedings, and can help you navigate the complexities of family law.

If you need to create or revisit a co-parenting plan and don’t want to go it on your own, take a look here. You can find a family attorney in your area and get the help you need.

 

Sources

[1] Emotional Stages Of Divorce. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.womansdivorce.com/emotional-stages-of-divorce.html

 [2] Patrick A. Coleman. (2017, September 19). Don’t Tear Down Your Ex in Front of Your Kids. Retrieved from https://www.fatherly.com/parenting/how-to-talk-young-child-about-ex-spouse/